BOOK! A No-name Generic Product

A SIGHTING

I spotted a U.F.O., actually, more than one, about three weeks ago. I haven't reported it to anybody yet because I was afraid they might think I am crazy, but I figured that if you've been reading this book then you already know I am crazy, so I've got nothing to lose by telling you about it.

I was walking down the main street of my town, kicking a full bottle of beer as I went, when suddenly the whole sky above darkened. The store owners who had been displaying their articles on sale started to scream and run around as if they knew what was coming. I looked up in the sky just as a tiny transparent spacecraft landed right on the top of my nose. It began to roll around down the side of my nose towards my ear.

By this time the streets were bare. I was the only one around. The only one to see this tiny craft. As it approached closer to my ear, I panicked! I thought maybe it was going to destroy my hearing system.

I abruptly shook my head and sent the spacecraft flying to the ground where it crashed. Not as second had gone by before another ship hit my face, followed by another and yet another. Had I made them angry?

Within a minute the entire sky was filled with millions of tiny spaceships. It was impossible for me to dodge them. They were attacking me and my dog Stripe. I looked up to see where they were all coming from. There seemed to be several big black puffy things. I assumed they were the mother ships.

The sun had been destroyed and it was getting very cold. My clothes were being ruined by these things. I knew it would be the end.

Suddenly, I heard a voice. It was Mr. Olsen. He was calling from inside the drugstore. I desperately tried to listen as he spoke: "Get out of the rain, you idiot," he called.

Boy, was I embarrassed.