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THE DEPRESSION OF GILLIGAN'S ISLAND

Life is so depressing at times and I'm convinced that it is part of a world plot for a mass suicide at some pre-determined date in the near future. Most of the world's depression falls into the hands of one small group of people. These people have secretly planted in our minds thoughts which we will never get over. These people are the producer's of Gilligan's Island. They are the reason why the world is in such a mess.

Who would have imagined that such a silly stereo-typed show like that could have had such an impact on so many lives? A show that lasted so many years through the transition from black and white to colour, and even today is going strong all over North America in re-runs. This dumb show has driven hundreds of people to drink. Any why? All because so many questions were left unanswered for so long.

For years, people have asked GILLIGAN WHO??? What was his last name? When people sit down and think how many sickening episodes they sat through to try to find out if anyone ever referred to him as anything else, but alas, they never did.

I must have seen every show at least three times and still I don't know what the skipper's name was. I even wrote away to a newspaper for help. They didn't know either. The professor and he were never introduced as anything but "The Professor" and "The Skipper."

A lot of people expected to be relieved of these questions in 1976 when a remake of Gilligan's Island was aired. In this episode the castaways were to be rescued. I felt that finally I was to discover the answers to these silly problems.

I prepared myself on the couch, ready to watch, with my tape recorder on one side and my plastic BAR BAG on the other. I was determined to find out their names even if it killed me.

I sat through the first half of the program and suffered as the now much older actors tried to replay their parts of years gone by. The acting was as poor as ever, except the director had neglected to add the old familiar laugh track, which we have all come to know and hate.

Finally, the moment came . . the castaways were found, and brought ashore to be interviewed by the press. I pressed the play and record buttons on my recorder and waited in excitement. I could picture thousands of eager people nation-wide doing the same thing.

The announcer stepped up to the microphone and the camera zoomed in. He spoke, "I am standing in front of the seven survivors of the USS MINNOW, a small sailing ship which was shipwrecked many years ago. Could you explain the experience to our listening audience, Skipper?"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H H H H ! ! !