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GNOMES IN YOUR SOUP

There have been several reports lately about people having seen gnomes in their soup. Gnomes, (pronounced NOMES) are little elflike creatures which were always assumed to be mythical (pronounced MYTHICAL) but now, due to their recent appearance in books and movies, they have been spotted all over the globe.

As of yet, there has been no concrete evidence to prove whether these sightings are true or not. The only photographs are naturally blurred and out of focus, as are almost all photos of unidentified objects. The only thing that scientists have to go on is the 32,000 sightings all across North America. Such a large number of sightings might actually persuade one to believe that there is a possibility that gnomes really exist, but when the statistics are examined more closely, it is discovered that 31,999 of those sightings come from one Jonathan Smorn, who is an established nomad bum. Even still, the sales of the three major soup companies have dropped 27% since the papers reported the sightings.

Experts are currently investigating the one odd sighting which comes from a woman who claims never to have met John, or read any of the articles about him, yet her claims seem to match his almost identically. She clearly saw a tiny gnome in her bowl of soup.

If you should happen to see any gnomes in your soups, or anyone else's soup, don't hesitate to call us. Many people think that gnome sightings occur regularly in restaurants where there is a great deal of soup served, but they are never reported because of the fears of being put into a mental home.

Naturally, if you do report a sighting, we can't guarantee that you won't be put away, but at least you will know you have helped solve the problem of gnomes in people's soups.