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THE LAST DAY OF MY LIFE

One thing that is much on my mind, other than my hat, is the possibility that every day could be the last day of my life. For all I know, I could be shot in the head accidentally tomorrow. It is unlikely, but certainly feasible. My social life would be destroyed.

That is why I feel that if today is going to be my last, I'd better make the best of it. This is my philosophy, which naturally doesn't work for everybody, but it certainly has made a change in my life. A change for the better.

Some people call me crazy. They say I have a few loose screws, but I laugh at them because I know that my life has been great, just because I know I could die any minute. I have led an almost perfect, rich, comfortable lifestyle.

The obvious question is: HOW? The answer is as easy as the question itself.... I steal everything. Why not? If this is the last day of life, why not steal whatever I need to enjoy it? There is nothing worse than having the feeling that you have missed out on something you really wanted to do after you are dead. I will never have this feeling. I may, of course, get arrested someday, but I would probably die of some highly contagious disease going around in jail anyway.

I was once stopped by an officer of the law, and questioned how I could afford three Rolls Royces on the salary of a professional fridge defroster. I simply replied: "I stole it sir, but I'll be dead by tomorrow."

He said, "Oh, well enjoy your LAST DAY!"