BOOK! A No-name Generic Product

ANOTHER LETTER TO WILBUR

Dear Wilbur:

I am only 15 years old and I respect your opinion. I have accidentally gotten myself into a mess with Billy Hopkins and you are the first one I have told. How should I go about breaking the news to my family?

Dear Afraid and Fragile:

First of all, I would like to congratulate you on your excellent choice of name to sigh. I should have known it would take a younger mind to come up with something good. I like yours: "Afraid and Fragile". It kind of has a ring to it. Unfortunately, you revealed Billy's name and thus, revealing yourself to anyone who knows Billy. If your parents get a chance to read this book they are going to figure out who the 15 year old is. Unless Billy is the type who has several girls in trouble, in which case he should be put away.

Anyway, about your problem. As I have already stated, your parents probably already know, and are looking for you right now to wring your neck. Personally, I would get away from there as fast as possible. You don't want to disgrace your parents and have people talk about them behind their backs do you? They'll be the talk of the town all over how disgusting their daughter is. Take it from me, the best thing to do is scram! Seeing as how you are too young to drive, I can sell you my old farm tractor. I was going to sell it anyway, but I think you need it more than anybody so I'll give you a real good deal on it. If you can buy this I'll be all set. I've already sold my house, livestock and farm, and I'll be all set to move to Beverly Hills and take up this job of writing these letters full time. So you see, you can help me at the same time I help you get out of trouble.

Thanks.

WILBUR