Wisdom:

Ideas
  by Jeff Goebel

I'm lazy.  I have ideas that I'll never do anything with, so I present them here for free. Steal them, and make millions.  Of course I have SOME idea I won't post here, because I still hold on to that strange dream that some day, I WILL use them.  Look for those ideas here within a year, as I get more depressed and cynical.

• I'd like to see one of these reality dating shows be a practical joke, all with actors setting up one dude or dudette as the mark.
   
• Who invented dogs, and why did they stop fiddling hundreds of years ago?  I want a dog that doesn't bark, and will pee in a litter box.
   
• Geeks keep computers hard.  It's our thing.
   
• I want Kreskin to be my lawyer
   
• Why isn't water used for all our energy?  It is always flowing, everywhere!  They make huge windmills to harness the wind, but a stream or even a creek is far more reliable, isn't it?  What am I missing?
   
• If we can harness the flow of water and make some gears turn, why can't a human harness the flowing energy of our own blood?  Can you imagine a bicycle powered by your blood's flow?
   
• I had the idea that common household products could gain a new market, if they were sold in regular, and haunted versions.  The haunted version of your toaster would make weird noises and move now and then. Your haunted hair dryer would have a shorter cord one day than then next.  These products would serve no purpose, but I bet some people would buy them.  As the world gets more stressful, more people will want more elaborate practical jokes.
   
• My favourite idea for a hidden camera prank show, or even a radio prank call, is to try to convince the recipient that all these shows are fake, and pre-rehearse the gags with them.  Ordinary people trying to act "normal" when they know they're on TV would be hilarious.  I always wanted to do this.  Originally, I wanted to do it as a radio morning show prank. Have the DJ call up my friend at 6am and tell him they were about to call him back live with a prank, and could they rehearse it. 
   
• I think everything about organized church is great, except for that irritating religion part.  Seriously, belonging to a church in a community is a great thing.  It's social, non judgmental, friendly, helpful and caring.  I just wish I didn't have to buy this whole "son of God" story.  Why would somebody create a religion that is so hard to believe.  I understand maybe silly religious rules made sense in the beginning, but wouldn't society be so much better off if we had a church we could really believe in, not just pretend to?  How many people really believe Jesus was the son of God? 
   
• How come cars are still mostly one colour?  No patterns like wallpaper, or shirts?
   
• I have the solution to end traffic problems!  Some cities built monorails where subways were impractical.  (Even Springfield)  What about building a car-based monorail system above our existing highways.  Your standard car locks in place with a roof rack, or maybe even a big magnet, and then gets pulled into a higher speed electric monorail.  You enter and exit onto regular roads as usual but while connected, speed, lane changes and tailgating are all controlled while you relax and work on your laptop.  It'd reduce road repair costs and pollution etc.  I can't think of a better solution, or one that would be easier to implement.
   
• I used to like the TV show SLIDERS.  It was a show were these 4 people traveled to parallel earths where something had changed.  In the later years, after the professor was written out, the producers obviously went to a different storyline, and the show was eventually cancelled.  To me, the IDEA of earth with one change is a fascinating one, and I think that idea alone should be re-expanded.  What would earth be like if they never discovered glass, or TV never showed crime or even daily news.  Since time travel is always a popular forum for science fiction writers, a show where people go back and change things and then pop forward again seems like a philosophical hit.
   
• All it takes to change the world is to not teach our next generation what we don't want them to know.  A global secret, kept from our children could change crime, drugs, sexual frustration etc... if we could just all agree.  Maybe buying a private island IS the answer.  Crazy people are right!
   
• Weird Movie or real life idea: Everyone has sex on one specific day and gets pregnant.  Wouldn't it be interesting to see every woman give birth within the same week. Think how that would effect everything.  I have heard reports that a LOT of people had sex around 9/11/2001 and had babies within the same few days.  It has caused shortages on cribs and clothes.  I suspect it'll throw a wrench in the school system in the future, and these babies will almost certainly have a nickname like 9-11 babies etc.
   
• Real drunks can be funny.  Why hasn't somebody created a TV show like COPS, but without the crime?  Just film people in bars.  They sure make me laugh. Reality TV is going here - you know it.
   
• TV Commercial idea for Frogstar: 6 guys walking around in Superman-like costumes.  One runs into a phone booth, and comes out a Clark Kent style geek with a pocket protector and tape on his glasses. He then rushes into and office, sits at a computer and solves a problem.  Geeks are the new super hero!
   
• I always wondered if anybody has examined how much our own molecules and atoms resemble the planets and stars.  Wouldn't it be neat to discover the human body is the same as the universe. Birth is the big bang (no pun intended).
   
• Geeks are overtaking Jocks as the new cool.  We can be "bad boys" with MP3 pirating, and we can be super rich.  T Shirt: GEEKS ARE THE NEW JOCKS!

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