Sketch Comedy Scripts

Public Domain - Royalty free - Free skits

Thief
by Jeff Goebel
Released to the public domain.

Thief

by Jeff Goebel
Released to the public domain.

(There is absolutely no set required. The action takes place on a street. Optionally, you may place a mailbox, or a fire hydrant, but nothing is used. The image can be achieved by having extras continually walking across the stage like pedestrians on a street)

Betty: (Casually walking by. She is wearing a gold necklace)

Alice: (Also walking, from the other direction, stops short of Betty, and stares at her)

Betty: Yes? Can I help you?

Alice: I don’t know. I’m wondering, where on Earth did you get that necklace?

Betty: Why? Is it yours?

Alice: Well, that’s what I was wondering? I used to have one just like it.

Betty: Oh? What ever happened to it?

Alice: I don’t really know. I didn’t wear it for about a year and then it vanished. But I always liked it, that’s why I was wondering where you got that one.

Betty: What if I don’t want to tell you where I got this one?

Alice: (Confused) Well, obviously that’s your choice and I can’t make you tell me where you got the necklace. I can’t guess why you would be against telling me, but as I said, that is your option. Thank you. Good-day.

Betty: WAIT! I didn’t say I wouldn’t. I said, what if I don’t?

Alice: Oh. Does that mean you are going to tell me?

Betty: HEY! Are you trying to accuse me of stealing this necklace!?

Alice: (Shocked) No! I just asked where you got it, that’s all. Take it easy!

Betty: Well I DID you know?!? This probably is your necklace! SO THERE!

Alice: I don’t know what to say… Can I have it back?

Betty: WHAT!?!? What are you? Crazy! I stole it. Why would I want to give it back?

Alice: It’s mine.

Betty: But I like it. I used to own one many years ago but I lost it. When I saw yours, I stole it! I have no intention or returning it now!

Alice: Yes, but it doesn’t belong to you! I can have you arrested. You admitted to stealing it.

Betty: Oh, Yeah, silly of me wasn’t it. Well, if I give it to you, will you at least tell me where you bought it so I can get a new one?

Alice: And what if I don’t?

Betty: Well that’s your choice, but I don’t have to give it back to you either.

Alice: Ahhh. But you do, or I’ll call a policeman.

Betty: Right. Please tell me where you bought it. I can’t live without it. I love it. I haven’t taken it off for years!

Alice: How did you lose your original one?

Betty: I don’t know, I took it off to shower once, and forgot about it. Later, when I went for it again, it was gone. Now please, I promise I’ll give it back if you tell me where you got yours.

Alice: I can’t tell you.

Betty: Why not?

Alice: HEY! Are you accusing me of stealing it?

Betty: NO!

Alice: Well, I’ll be honest. I did. It is probably yours.

Betty: Damn! We’re back to where we started. I still don’t know where I can buy one.

Alice: So? You don’t have to, it’s yours. I’m the one without one now.

Betty: Oh yeah. See ya. (She leaves)

Alice: WAIT! You had it originally right?

Betty: Right. So?

Alice: Well, where did you get it originally?

Betty: Gee, I don’t remember. It was over ten years ago.

Alice: Don’t give me that. You remember. Where did you get it?

Betty: Honestly, I’d love to help you. I just don’t remember where I got it. It was so long ago.

Alice: I don’t believe you. You love that necklace as much as I do, I know you would remember where you got it.

Betty: I’m sorry. (She starts leaving again)

Alice: You stole it didn’t you?

Betty: No. No. I just don’t remember OKAY!?!? Don’t give me a hard time! I didn’t steal it!

Alice: HEY! Don’t worry, I know you stole it once, why won’t you admit you stole it originally?

Betty: I don’t have to take this. Good-bye! (She leaves)

April: (Walks on and bumps into Betty) HEY! Where did you get that necklace? (Betty runs away)

(Blackout)

(There is absolutely no set required. The action takes place on a street. Optionally, you may place a mailbox, or a fire hydrant, but nothing is used. The image can be achieved by having extras continually walking across the stage like pedestrians on a street)

Betty: (Casually walking by. She is wearing a gold necklace)

Alice: (Also walking, from the other direction, stops short of Betty, and stares at her)

Betty: Yes? Can I help you?

Alice: I don’t know. I’m wondering, where on Earth did you get that necklace?

Betty: Why? Is it yours?

Alice: Well, that’s what I was wondering? I used to have one just like it.

Betty: Oh? What ever happened to it?

Alice: I don’t really know. I didn’t wear it for about a year and then it vanished. But I always liked it, that’s why I was wondering where you got that one.

Betty: What if I don’t want to tell you where I got this one?

Alice: (Confused) Well, obviously that’s your choice and I can’t make you tell me where you got the necklace. I can’t guess why you would be against telling me, but as I said, that is your option. Thank you. Good-day.

Betty: WAIT! I didn’t say I wouldn’t. I said, what if I don’t?

Alice: Oh. Does that mean you are going to tell me?

Betty: HEY! Are you trying to accuse me of stealing this necklace!?

Alice: (Shocked) No! I just asked where you got it, that’s all. Take it easy!

Betty: Well I DID you know?!? This probably is your necklace! SO THERE!

Alice: I don’t know what to say… Can I have it back?

Betty: WHAT!?!? What are you? Crazy! I stole it. Why would I want to give it back?

Alice: It’s mine.

Betty: But I like it. I used to own one many years ago but I lost it. When I saw yours, I stole it! I have no intention or returning it now!

Alice: Yes, but it doesn’t belong to you! I can have you arrested. You admitted to stealing it.

Betty: Oh, Yeah, silly of me wasn’t it. Well, if I give it to you, will you at least tell me where you bought it so I can get a new one?

Alice: And what if I don’t?

Betty: Well that’s your choice, but I don’t have to give it back to you either.

Alice: Ahhh. But you do, or I’ll call a policeman.

Betty: Right. Please tell me where you bought it. I can’t live without it. I love it. I haven’t taken it off for years!

Alice: How did you lose your original one?

Betty: I don’t know, I took it off to shower once, and forgot about it. Later, when I went for it again, it was gone. Now please, I promise I’ll give it back if you tell me where you got yours.

Alice: I can’t tell you.

Betty: Why not?

Alice: HEY! Are you accusing me of stealing it?

Betty: NO!

Alice: Well, I’ll be honest. I did. It is probably yours.

Betty: Damn! We’re back to where we started. I still don’t know where I can buy one.

Alice: So? You don’t have to, it’s yours. I’m the one without one now.

Betty: Oh yeah. See ya. (She leaves)

Alice: WAIT! You had it originally right?

Betty: Right. So?

Alice: Well, where did you get it originally?

Betty: Gee, I don’t remember. It was over ten years ago.

Alice: Don’t give me that. You remember. Where did you get it?

Betty: Honestly, I’d love to help you. I just don’t remember where I got it. It was so long ago.

Alice: I don’t believe you. You love that necklace as much as I do, I know you would remember where you got it.

Betty: I’m sorry. (She starts leaving again)

Alice: You stole it didn’t you?

Betty: No. No. I just don’t remember OKAY!?!? Don’t give me a hard time! I didn’t steal it!

Alice: HEY! Don’t worry, I know you stole it once, why won’t you admit you stole it originally?

Betty: I don’t have to take this. Good-bye! (She leaves)

April: (Walks on and bumps into Betty) HEY! Where did you get that necklace? (Betty runs away)

(Blackout)

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